It’s first day of June.
We are married for 4.5 years, LO is 2.5 years coming to 3 soon.
Have a bad headache for past 2 days, bad sore throat for past 2 days and body aching since yesterday. Engine old already didn’t maintain well, really everything also break down. Maybe can try bring Kpo Kia go gym to play also.
Had a false alarm recently and really set me thinking. On one hand, I would really love to give LO a sibling but I do not have the confident to take care of 2 kids at the same time at all. The idea is terrible, I won’t be able to give either of them the best – consider now I have been always ‘pushing LO away’ whenever I have work to do.
Mummy is not very good mummy. I need to put in more patience (but you have been constantly challenging my limited patience too much).
Will try to give you more activities to keep you occupied.
Love you. Love Daddy, too.
p/s: 2 days ago when making LO sleep, I was pretending to sleep and back facing her, she tap on me and ask me ‘Mummy, look at me, hug me’. Heart really melts and hug her to sleep. This is the moments I love and adore, which I might not experience it often, but I will remember this forever and shall my love for her never fade.
Happy Chinese New Year, my dear!
To Dear #1, I still love you as usual.
To Dear #2, it’s quite upsetting to see you being ‘pampered’ with heaty food when you are sick and should be avoiding them but I guess it’s unavoidable when we have elderly around us…
Wish both of you have a great year ahead and I can have more time to accompany you all (if you would like that)
If tomorrow I shall die, I believe I will leave with a lot of regrets.
How I wish I can turn back the clock and go back to the time when I was still ‘free’ to do things I can do.
I regretted that I choose to work on something I am interested but totally not talented in.
I regretted that I did not stand film in breastfeeding my greedy girl and lost the chance of bonding.
I regretted that I did not stand film to speak against the elderly on things that I totally don’t believe in.
I regretted that I did not spend my ‘free time’ wisely.
I regretted that I spend my MC days working instead of resting.
I regretted that I spend my after office hours working instead of telling stories to LO and make her sleep.
I regretted that I did not groom up myself more.
I regretted that work eat in a big part of my life but I am not living the life I want.
May I spent more time with my loves when I decide to move out of my comfort zone.
May I spent my time more wisely when I finally got them back.
May I be a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better sister and a better daughter.
May I love the world even if they do not love me as much.
It’s been such a long time since I last blog here.
I have lost myself somehow over these period.
Today is LO’s 23 month + 1 day.
We had finished both side parents visiting.
I am very drained, emotionally and physically. I wonder how long can I continue with the stress I have been facing recently.
Time for a change.
I wish to spend more time with LO and less time whining for myself. I miss myself, I miss the us who bother to hug each good bye before we leave for work, I miss the time when I can make LO sleep earlier and feel I am doing the right thing for her and proud of myself.
Ever since you have started school, you become abnormally attached to mummy.
Mummy used to regret giving up breastfeeding you due to the pressure from the elderly and work, which indirectly also affected our bonding, but somehow childcare help us to bond!
You become more aware of strangers, and even family members whom you do not see daily. For almost the whole of May, you need some time to warm up before you can mixed around with the elderly. Mummy can sense that the elderly aren’t happy about it, and even rather you cling to daddy instead of me. I was caught in between the difficult position but to be frank, in my heart, I am happy to feel that you are “getting closer” to me.
But then baby~ Opps, you are no longer a baby, you are a toddler!
On this Monday morning, you calmly wave “bye bye” to Daddy and walk into the class to join your classmates, no longer the crying baby who refused to leave your Daddy side every morning when he sent you to school.
At evening, you also didn’t cry when you saw that I was here to fetch you. In fact, after we left the school, you have been turning back to wave “bye bye” to your teacher who had already turned her back to you as she is busy packing to leave the school (working hours in childcare is really long, can’t blame that they are eager to leave once the last student left the class).
And yah, Mummy realised, you have “grown up” over the month, you have become an independent toddler.
I missed the “clingy baby” I had but is still proud of you, life goes on, and as long as it benefits you in long run, Mummy is willing to “be forgotten” (temporarily). But baby, don’t forget Mummy yet, ok? Mummy love you too much to be forgotten, it will be too heart aching to know that one day you might just forgotten Mummy totally.
Miss my “clingy baby” girl.
It’s your first day of school.
Daddy wake up early to showered while Mummy is too tired and overslept.
Around 7.30, mummy finally wake up and prepared herself quickly, and carry you to change your diaper and prepare you for school. You wake up feeling grouchy and whined a bit. Took a bit more time than usual to get you out from house. Maybe it’s your baby instinct that you will be going to school, full day probably?
Mummy forgotten your water bottle and Daddy went home to get for you since only one parent is allowed to accompany you. Mummy is a bit ahem… to learn that your teachers are 2 Filipinos and 1 Chinese… hmmm…. seem like globalisation is something we cannot avoid, and seeing Singaporean is like visiting tourist attraction… can’t see them everywhere anymore.
Your teacher is surprised at our intention to leave you with them full day, or at least till 5pm, on your first day of school. She told for first 3 days of school, parents will only leave their kids for half day in school.
Anyway, you are more sticky to Mummy than usual, looking towards Mummy’s direction every now and then. But Mummy knows you, and keep encouraged you to join the others, trying to reduce interaction in class as much as possible. It’s not cruel, it’s just part of life, when you need to learn that one day, no family members who loves you a lot can stay by your side. By then, you need to be independent and happy, and prove to all those around you that you are a survivor and can survive through all situation (ok, I sound to exaggerated here). After an hour or so, your English teacher saw that you started to warm up and just “make yourself at home” – not shy from touching everything you can get your hands on and just walk around your classmates as if they are transparent =.=”, I asked if I should say good bye to you before I ninja myself out for breakfast but she say I should just ninja without alerting you… Strange, this is not what I read from other articles previously, I was told that we should say bye bye to you “officially” so you will learn that when it’s time for Daddy and Mummy to leave, it’s time; else you might feel upset and abandoned. Regardless, out of respect to you teacher, I think we should try to be accommodating to her teaching style, so off we ninja away soon…
For once in our marriage life with you in our neighbourhood, Daddy and Mummy got “me-time” to settle our errand, for almost 2 hours. We brought some bread preparing to hang around the school to spy on you but you spotted me thanks to my poor ninja skill. You shouted “Mama! Oh-oh! Mama!” and start to walk around while others are having their nap. Daddy finally decided that we shall not leave you there “since you are not sleeping” (Mummy strongly believed it’s just Daddy too attached to you and can’t bear to leave you at school for too long). Before we brought you home, we have a short chat with your teachers (opps, we can’t remember their name as it’s too unique and we are textual person who remember better if it’s written for us). Your English teacher sound joyful to share with us about you that you did not cry (we are so proud of you for that!!), and your funny attempt to eat fruits with your bare hand. We were told you attempted to feed yourself during lunch after your teacher tried few times with you, and that you want to eat water melon but don’t want to dirty your hand =.=”.
Mummy is a bit ahem again to see your dirty dress but guess it’s all part of learning and growing up.
Back to home, you keep asking for milk, guessed you are used to your buffet while under care by Granny and you can’t have equivalent amount of food here so you are hungry. During dinner time, you refused to let me feed you, insisting of holding the spoon yourself and feed yourself. I was both happy and ahem… glad that you can finally learn how to eat, but is not welcomingly prepared to clean up the mess you will be creating soon.
Guess first day of school affect you quite a lot, hope you can cope and adapt the new environment soon.
Love you with xoxo
Happy Birthday, my dear!
While you are sleeping like a oink oink now, I am writing this post.
One year ago, I was still suffering in hunger at this timing… waiting for a ward to be cleaned up for me to be pushed in… now, I am also waiting for you to wake up so we can go out gai gai (walk/shop around) so I can reward myself with some good food.
Glad that you are growing healthy… except your eczema. Hope it goes off soon. Heartache to see your forehead, and now your back full of red patches. You are learning to walk and although your crawl pretty well, you always lost balance and knocked against your head, be careful dear. Hope you also ditch off the bad habit of leaning backwards without checking out what’s behind you, it’s super dangerous!
Glad that you can eat well and gaining weight steadily… but hope you shed off some baby fats the healthy way soon… you are looking more and more like a snorlax now 😛 Harder to capture your beautiful side for your instagram account yah…
Daddy & Mummy love you a lot a lot.
P/s: Hope you also become better tempered and enjoy your life ahead with more smile and less crying & screaming…
It’s not a good month for my career.
But it’s a good month for us.
Fortunately or unfortunately, Pokemon Go finally come to Singapore and You and I love it. In fact, sort of ‘crazy’ over it and we went a couple of places to hunt for our pokemon. LOL. This means that Leticia gets to go out with us more often… and I mean. Out of the house.
Just a pity she can’t walk yet so she can’t get to enjoy playing with nature and etc. Wish you get to be able to explore more soon, dear.
P/s: She’s growing the 2 top teeth now so she busy biting while we busy hunting.
P/s again: I don’t think we neglect her any more than normal… still love her and busy annoying and teasing her even during our hunt.
The day you finally say something that starts with “m”… it sound more like “mum mum”(eat) than “mom mom”(mama) but I’m still feeling overjoy in my heart.
You had mumbled “dad-dy” quite a while back (though not frequent). Didn’t managed to jot down the date I first heard as lousy me was so obsess with self pity over a lot of things back then and nearly forgot I meant to record every happy moments in this blog when I first started it.
Thank daddy for reminding me of this blog. No matter what happened, I still love you two and this family.